Friday, 11 March 2011
Monday, 7 March 2011
Being a student, I spend a fair amount of my nights out in nightclubs So, having the spent the majority of my evenings over the last year and a half or so in rooms full of very attractive young ladys in tight skirts and high heels, listening to music about 'lovin all night long' and such, I've decided that I far prefer bieng in a room full of sweaty, angry, hairy, tattooed men who are swirling around and punching each other while listening to the kind of loud and fast music which makes you want to break stuff. I often find myself wondering if thats not just a little bit gay.
What the fuck kind of insult is 'Jew'? you know the kind of 'insult' like 'yeh, ya fuckin joooo!' that is usualy hurled around so casually by a certain group of people (dead eyes, sports wear, drooling mouth, you know the type).
I'd like to make it clear at this point that I am not Jewish and am not religious at all. However, I'm not one of those militant athiest types who pours derision over anyone who might believe in anything outside our own little universe. I dont hate any religion, or consider religious people idiots. People can believe whatever they like as long as they keep it to themselves (which sadly is not a common thing among some religions). But personally, I don't really buy it.
Therefore, I have no problem with the Jewish faith. In fact, i quite admire it. Compared to christianity, or most religions for that matter, Judaeism has a far less 'prestigious' history of hate, oppression, aggression, murder and such (although one should maybe consider this: maybe its just because they lost all the time? Too soon?). However, i was recently refered to as being semitic by a person of similar description to persons described above. I'm not entirely sure what he hoped to acheive by calling me this. Did he think i would cry? collapse into a tearful heap, crying to the heavens 'nooooo, Moses help me, its not true! Why, Joshua, whyyyyyy?' No. All this thick peice of maggot shit succeeded in doing was proving that he/it is in fact a worthless, ignorant twat with racist and neo-nazi tendencies, whos only purpose on this planet is to remind us all of the importance of protected sex and making us all wish his dad had spurted him into a tissue a long time ago.
I was simply walking down the street, and to be met with a hail of hate-crime related vulgarity always strikes me as a bit of a shock, but also a bit of light entertainment. Here's what gets me about this kind of insult: you never hear it applied to any other religion. You never hear anyone shout "Oi! ya fakin Buddhist!" or "Yeh blud, your fuckin Greek Orthodox, innit. Blup!"
I once tried to apply this concept to a new religion, but it did not end well. It was at a house party, the kind that you tend to get in Hemel which is full of chavs and drug addicts. One of my friends had attempted to steal my beers as a joke. So naturally I told him to "piss off, you fuckin Christian!" At this point, everyone in the room, most of whom had previously been doing ketamine off the counter and discussing the complexities of 'knifin' people,* suddenly turn into a militant group of christian fundamentalists. I'm greeted by a chorus of "wot blad?" "yeh? im a fuckin cafflic, innit" "dont take the Lords name in vain, ya fackin greeb!" I left soon afterwards.
I think what we're all forgetting here is that Jesus was a Jew. Oh yeh, that's right gangsta, Jesus was a fackin' 'orrible hebrew. Oh Yeh, and the bible? Half of that was written by Jews, gasp! In fact Christianity, Islam and even Rastafarianism come from Judaism. Fact. So why the fuck is it in any way acceptably to use Jew as an insult? You dont go around shouting 'nigger' or 'paki' at people, so why 'Jew'? Its not clever, or funny or 'gangsta'. All it proves is that you are a pig ignorant, racist dipshit.
Rant over, good day.
* What you do is ram it in their ribs or their leg and twist the blade, producing maximum pain and nerve damage while allowing for easy withdrawal of you 'shank', apparently.
I'd like to make it clear at this point that I am not Jewish and am not religious at all. However, I'm not one of those militant athiest types who pours derision over anyone who might believe in anything outside our own little universe. I dont hate any religion, or consider religious people idiots. People can believe whatever they like as long as they keep it to themselves (which sadly is not a common thing among some religions). But personally, I don't really buy it.
Therefore, I have no problem with the Jewish faith. In fact, i quite admire it. Compared to christianity, or most religions for that matter, Judaeism has a far less 'prestigious' history of hate, oppression, aggression, murder and such (although one should maybe consider this: maybe its just because they lost all the time? Too soon?). However, i was recently refered to as being semitic by a person of similar description to persons described above. I'm not entirely sure what he hoped to acheive by calling me this. Did he think i would cry? collapse into a tearful heap, crying to the heavens 'nooooo, Moses help me, its not true! Why, Joshua, whyyyyyy?' No. All this thick peice of maggot shit succeeded in doing was proving that he/it is in fact a worthless, ignorant twat with racist and neo-nazi tendencies, whos only purpose on this planet is to remind us all of the importance of protected sex and making us all wish his dad had spurted him into a tissue a long time ago.
I was simply walking down the street, and to be met with a hail of hate-crime related vulgarity always strikes me as a bit of a shock, but also a bit of light entertainment. Here's what gets me about this kind of insult: you never hear it applied to any other religion. You never hear anyone shout "Oi! ya fakin Buddhist!" or "Yeh blud, your fuckin Greek Orthodox, innit. Blup!"
I once tried to apply this concept to a new religion, but it did not end well. It was at a house party, the kind that you tend to get in Hemel which is full of chavs and drug addicts. One of my friends had attempted to steal my beers as a joke. So naturally I told him to "piss off, you fuckin Christian!" At this point, everyone in the room, most of whom had previously been doing ketamine off the counter and discussing the complexities of 'knifin' people,* suddenly turn into a militant group of christian fundamentalists. I'm greeted by a chorus of "wot blad?" "yeh? im a fuckin cafflic, innit" "dont take the Lords name in vain, ya fackin greeb!" I left soon afterwards.
I think what we're all forgetting here is that Jesus was a Jew. Oh yeh, that's right gangsta, Jesus was a fackin' 'orrible hebrew. Oh Yeh, and the bible? Half of that was written by Jews, gasp! In fact Christianity, Islam and even Rastafarianism come from Judaism. Fact. So why the fuck is it in any way acceptably to use Jew as an insult? You dont go around shouting 'nigger' or 'paki' at people, so why 'Jew'? Its not clever, or funny or 'gangsta'. All it proves is that you are a pig ignorant, racist dipshit.
Rant over, good day.
* What you do is ram it in their ribs or their leg and twist the blade, producing maximum pain and nerve damage while allowing for easy withdrawal of you 'shank', apparently.
Friday, 4 March 2011
Fuckin' Sparklefairies
I like Twilight. There, I said it. Sue me. I think they're awesome films. They have a good story, they're well filmed and well acted. I haven't read the books; to be honest, doing that would probably rob me of my last shred of masculinity at this point. When I saw New Moon I was the only guy in a pretty big group of girls and we had cocktails before. It was unspeakably gay. But fuck it, I enjoyed myself.
What I didn’t like about Twilight, however, was the silly sparkly aspect of the 'vampires.' In the moments leading up to the part where Edward Cullen reveals his 'true self' I was thinking "Yes! Shit's about to go down!" I was expecting it to be all blood and teeth and piles of dead virgins at his feet. But no! The big chinned fucker just stood there and glittered! Glittered! 'This is nooo vampiiiire!' say I! Just a sparkly fairy with nice hair. Major disappointment.
I mean, look what Robert Rodriguez and Tarantino did with 'From Dusk Till Dawn'. I bet nobody sitting on their couch, twiddling their knobs while watching the beautiful Salma Hayek gyrate on a table and pour beer down her leg was expecting that to happen. It was brilliant!
Now I know some will say 'No Charlie, it's not about vampires, it's a story of forbidden love.' Frankly though, you can eat shit. I paid to see vampires and vampires is what i shall have, damn it! What Twilight needs is some balls and some kind of dragon creature which fucks the whole show up, then it would be perfect. Just a thought.
What I didn’t like about Twilight, however, was the silly sparkly aspect of the 'vampires.' In the moments leading up to the part where Edward Cullen reveals his 'true self' I was thinking "Yes! Shit's about to go down!" I was expecting it to be all blood and teeth and piles of dead virgins at his feet. But no! The big chinned fucker just stood there and glittered! Glittered! 'This is nooo vampiiiire!' say I! Just a sparkly fairy with nice hair. Major disappointment.
I mean, look what Robert Rodriguez and Tarantino did with 'From Dusk Till Dawn'. I bet nobody sitting on their couch, twiddling their knobs while watching the beautiful Salma Hayek gyrate on a table and pour beer down her leg was expecting that to happen. It was brilliant!
Now I know some will say 'No Charlie, it's not about vampires, it's a story of forbidden love.' Frankly though, you can eat shit. I paid to see vampires and vampires is what i shall have, damn it! What Twilight needs is some balls and some kind of dragon creature which fucks the whole show up, then it would be perfect. Just a thought.
Oh hai!!
That’s right; I’ve decided to start blogging again. Hooray! This decision comes after spending some time thinking about my future and what I’m actually going to do once I leave this happy little bubble of apathy and buffoonery which I call University. This is, perhaps, something I should do more of, given the cesspool-like state of today’s economic climate where very few people leave university with any prospect of a proper career. For example I know a guy who came out uni with a pretty good degree in robotics who is now spending his days serving the brain-dead population of Hemel Hempstead at Tesco’s. My own sister has a 2:1 degree in Journalism and now works as a receptionist at a pharmaceuticals company. Needless to say, this unfortunate situation is not what anyone expected. These individuals are supposedly the educated elite of tomorrow. But having spent the last three years of their lives working fucking hard while being forced to live like shit, they are not pursuing lucrative careers in what the excel at. No, they are instead working depressing jobs in an attempt to work their way out of a hopeless debt situation from which they have seemingly taken very little. So, as a student of English Literature, which is undoubtedly a ‘mickey mouse’ subject, my job prospects upon leaving university are decidedly bleak.
Thus, I have started to consider getting internships and work experience to fill up some space on my CV and make me look somehow appealing to an employer. The internships I’m looking at mainly circle around journalism and publishing, and these people seem to like bloggers. So here I am, sitting in my shabby little room, listening my Black Flag vinyl (original pressing baby!), trying to think up some witty anecdotes to write down for the amusement of whoever happens to stumble across it.
About a year ago I started writing a blog, I’m not entirely sure why, and in it I wrote that one of two things were likely to happen: Firstly - and what I thought to be most likely - that blogging would become yet another pointless waste of time. It will become wildly addictive like facebook, smoking and Farmville, and serve only as a distraction from doing anything remotely constructive with my time. It would probably lead ultimately to my failure at University, and a completely pointless debt situation from which I will have taken nothing but hangovers, some meaningless pieces of paper and some disjointed ramblings on the internet. Secondly, that I would lose any interest in blogging and it would become yet another idle piece of information clogging up my computer. I was right in one respect, which I suppose is a small victory for me. I did indeed lose all interest in blogging. But now that interest has been rekindled by my own overwhelming fear of what’s going to happen when I actually have to leave my fuzzy warm little uni life and face the real world. Those of you who were enthusiastic, unfortunate or bored enough to read my last blog might recognise some of the stuff written in this one, including the title section (original material by Charles Barker, I’ll have you know). That is because it is lifted from my old blog (you can find that bad boy here), mainly because I can’t really think of anything else to write at the moment. I guess at first this blog is mainly going to be made up of stuff from my old blog and ramblings I’ve made while alcoholically enhanced or on sleepless nights when there was nothing else to do but scribble whatever bullshit came into my muddled little noggin. So excuse the disjointed nature of what’s written here. So yeah, here it is, make of it what you will. Love love!
Thus, I have started to consider getting internships and work experience to fill up some space on my CV and make me look somehow appealing to an employer. The internships I’m looking at mainly circle around journalism and publishing, and these people seem to like bloggers. So here I am, sitting in my shabby little room, listening my Black Flag vinyl (original pressing baby!), trying to think up some witty anecdotes to write down for the amusement of whoever happens to stumble across it.
About a year ago I started writing a blog, I’m not entirely sure why, and in it I wrote that one of two things were likely to happen: Firstly - and what I thought to be most likely - that blogging would become yet another pointless waste of time. It will become wildly addictive like facebook, smoking and Farmville, and serve only as a distraction from doing anything remotely constructive with my time. It would probably lead ultimately to my failure at University, and a completely pointless debt situation from which I will have taken nothing but hangovers, some meaningless pieces of paper and some disjointed ramblings on the internet. Secondly, that I would lose any interest in blogging and it would become yet another idle piece of information clogging up my computer. I was right in one respect, which I suppose is a small victory for me. I did indeed lose all interest in blogging. But now that interest has been rekindled by my own overwhelming fear of what’s going to happen when I actually have to leave my fuzzy warm little uni life and face the real world. Those of you who were enthusiastic, unfortunate or bored enough to read my last blog might recognise some of the stuff written in this one, including the title section (original material by Charles Barker, I’ll have you know). That is because it is lifted from my old blog (you can find that bad boy here), mainly because I can’t really think of anything else to write at the moment. I guess at first this blog is mainly going to be made up of stuff from my old blog and ramblings I’ve made while alcoholically enhanced or on sleepless nights when there was nothing else to do but scribble whatever bullshit came into my muddled little noggin. So excuse the disjointed nature of what’s written here. So yeah, here it is, make of it what you will. Love love!
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